Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
worst night to have a conscience
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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