I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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