i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
