Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Life without a bra equals bliss.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
