I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
