2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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