Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
