susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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