Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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