i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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