How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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