My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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