3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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