So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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