I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
