you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
