Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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