Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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