So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
