how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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