My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
