It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
