The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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