did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
