The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
