Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
