I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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