i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
