She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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