Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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