Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
this is an emotional support booty call
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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