After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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