Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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