Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
