Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize