i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
