And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
