my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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