i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They took my balls.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
