How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
