dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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