I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
