so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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