The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
