I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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