It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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