Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
