I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize