I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
