Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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