I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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