I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize