overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
