dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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