"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
