I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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