I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
