Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize