8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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