Jerry, you need to find god
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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