My balls are so social today.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
