Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I look better un-naked...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
