HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
