i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
