Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize