Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
