He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
