i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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