Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
3pm strippers are depressing
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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