you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
