It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize