I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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