I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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