I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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