She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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