Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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