:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
