Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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