she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
