I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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